My Lowest Low

I hit a lull. I hit a spot so low in my life that I physically felt like everything I was doing in my life was in slow motion. I was going through the motions, day after day. I truly think that this life gives you what you need when you need it. I needed the low to get this high.

Throughout the past 6 months I have began turning my life around and putting myself in control again. Looking back I can see that I slipped into a dark and deep depression and I didn't know how the hell I was going to get out of it. I lost all fire when it came to fitness, I stopped making progress. I stopping pushing myself. I let some shitty people into my life, and I let them control my emotions and let me think badly about myself. I started to think, "Hey, I'm not good enough so why should I keep trying to better myself." This was the complete opposite mindset that I needed to have at this time.

I think that everything truly does happen for a reason. At the end of fall semester I decided things needed to change. I couldn't allow myself to shut people out and lock myself in my dark room anymore for days at a time. I couldn't allow myself to go through the motions a day longer. I had to get back to being the girl I fought like hell to become.

During Christmas break I really got my shit together. I spent days on end working on a positive mindset. However, I still found myself just in a cloud of sadness. I didn't even know why I was sad at this point. I just was. I came back to school a week early just to spend the week by myself. I spent the entire week by myself, going to the gym, and literally trying to get to know Hayley again. I don't know what I would have done if I wouldn't have taken this week to myself. Honestly, this probably saved me.

In the month to come, things just kept on getting better. As I started getting better and continued to find myself ---- the good things just kept coming. I know that God makes things extremely hard before they can get better... and I know this from experience.

I am truly the happiest I've ever been, and He has definitely placed some huge blessings in my life lately that I can never take for granted.

My fire is back.

I am back with the most motivation and drive I've had yet. I am ready to set some huge goals and smash the shit out of them. I want to be strong and conditioned, I am no longer worried about my body image necessarily. I know that I am healthy, and I need to fuel my body in order to have good lifts.

Oooookay, therapy seshhhh over.

buuuut - sidenote - i forgot how much i love to write and i'm going to keep y'all posted on fitness journey 2.0 bby.

much love,

hay

The Controllable

Control.

My life often goes spiraling out of control, the hits keep coming and I feel as if it's never going to end. For the past few months I have let my mental health take a huuuuuuuuge toll on me. With school being very stressful this semester, and not having the healthiest relationships in my life. It seems that the quote, "When it rains, it pours" holds true.

However, the quote "It might be storming now, but it can't rain forever" also holds true.

Things have been miraculously getting better. I'm feeling cleansed of all of the toxic people in my life.

I feel like I have control.

This week, I started tracking my macros & cutting my calories because I'm finally ready to start a stricter diet. Today while getting ready to go to the gym, I looked in the mirror & saw that the definition lines in my stomach that I haven't seen in months were back. This was amazing, and inspired me.

They inspired me because there is so much in our lives that we CAN'T control. We can't control how others treat us no matter how hard we may try. We can't control the weather. We can't control anything... besides ourselves.

Fitness is such an amazing thing. It is so amazing because we can control what our bodies do. We can control what we eat. We can control how often we work out. We can control our dedication to our training. We can control whether we are working towards our goals... or not. We have full control over this. While looking in the mirror, I just felt like I took full control over myself this week. I made a change, and I can see the change. In the mirror. Right now.

I feel as if today the clouds finally cleared up, and I can see that bright blue sky again. The storm is over, for now. And I'm ready to keep fighting through this beautiful journey with the help of my support system.

- strength grows in the moments when you think you can't go on but you keep going anyway -

<3
Hayley

Stay The Course

It's a new semester with new classes and a new clinical rotation and we're all overwhelmed. Coming back from break wanting to get my diet back on track and push myself harder than ever in the gym wanting to see big results soon, this is so so stressful. Over break I gained weight from the mass amounts of christmas goodies that I consumed (which was planned). I needed a break not only from school but depriving myself from the good things in life, like christmas cookies - nbd.

However, I'm back and feeling more motivated to create a better me than ever. Instead of creating a New Year Resolution, I've simply decided to create some new health goals that I would like to see accomplished this year.

1. Stay the course no matter how exhausted I am. I know that this is going to be hard. I'm going to have long hours of homework, but I need to make it to the gym. I need to remember that the gym is my happy place, and I will feel so much better after my workout.

2. Better myself mentally and emotionally. This past year was an emotional one, and I was not always strong mentally. I need to become stronger in these aspects, and focus on myself. Mental and emotional health is just as or even more important than physical health.

3. EAT BETTER. I am so horrible at compromising my diet, and eating food that I know will not give me that flat stomach I've been dreaming of. This year will be the year where I see big changes in my body. I need to pound the thought of it not coming easy into my brain and stop eating so many freaking carbs.

Setting goals for myself is how I stay hungry. I'm so competitive with myself and others that they help me stay on track. I am so ready to continue my fitness journey and keep creating a better me each and everyday.


now..... who's with me??? 

- hayley

Reflection

This year has been such a period of growth for me. One of the hardest and best years of my life thus far. I truly believe that God puts us on our journeys for one soul purpose. I truly believe that every single thing that happens in our lives happens for a reason. It happens to bring us to this exact moment.... right now. It brought me to this exact moment: 1:47 AM, Thursday, almost Christmas, and reflecting on this amazing year.

I allowed myself to let go of things and people that I thought were disrupting my growth. However, I never regretted having these people and things in my life. I am happy that they were there. I am happy that they contributed to my growth over the past year. I do believe that somethings are temporary, and that they are placed in your life to simply teach you a lesson.

You should never allow yourself to feel so consumed into anything, especially a relationship that makes you question who you are and who you are becoming. You should never allow yourself to feel like you are being controlled by another human being, and thinking that it's normal out of love. No matter how much you may love something or someone, you need to focus on your well being above all else.

I allowed fitness to become my place of peace this year. I allowed it to come into my life and take over. This has been one of the best decisions I've made in such a long time. I can walk into the gym and spend an hour and walk out feeling so on top of the world. I can release my stress, anxiety, and anger towards anything into something. Fitness has become my therapy for any hardship that I may go through. Especially this year.

I have become a happier and more positive person this year. By letting go of things and letting other things in I have found what makes me happy. You have to let things go and let new things into your life in order to find what truly makes you happy. You absolutely can't stay in your comfort zone in this life. It is made for so much more than that.

This year has changed my life for the better. I let go of people who once meant the world to me. I have become healthier. I have made friendships that are going to last me a lifetime. I have experienced so many new things this year. All contributing towards a happier, more motivated, and inspired human being who absolutely loves life.

Growth is so important. I want to continue on this journey throughout the next year. I want next year to be even better, and future years to be even better. This life is so amazing. I am so blessed.

-Hayley

my routine w/ shoulder & leg workouts

I always get questions about what kind of workouts I do. Sooooooo, I wanted to upload a few of my favorite workouts that I have created!

I like to start the week with shoulders on Monday because I feel so so so tired on Mondays. I like to have a lot of energy when I do legs - I do legs on Tuesdays and Thursday typically. I like to do back & chest on Wednesday. Biceps and triceps on Fridays! On the weekend I usually do just random and quicker workouts, or make up workouts that I may have missed throughout the week!

I feel like everyone's routine is different, it's all about what works for you! Personally my favorite lifts are on leg day. My legs are the strongest part of my body and I LOVE pushing myself to increase weight on these days. Therefore, I moved these to Tuesdays and Thursdays because I have more energy on these days with a lighter class load and more time to spend at the gym!

I incorporate abs & cardio into my workouts 2-3 days a week. I like to alternate which days I do each just for time constraints of being a college student. If I have extra time, I always try to add both. (Mostly because I'm a freak and I really just like to be at the gym as long as physically possible until I start feeling the guilt of all my assignments haunting me.)

HERE ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE WORKOUTS :)

SHOULDERS:

4 x 12 face pulls on the cable
4 x 12 shoulder push downs
3 x 12 superset lateral raise and front raises
4 x 20 shrugs - increasing weight each time
4 x 15 superset overhead press and arnold press

I usually add about 20 minutes of cardio in after my lift on shoulder day! I like to walk on about 10 incline on 3.5, or a (very) light jog.

LEGS:

4 x 12 sumo squats on the smith machine
4 x 20 superset each leg donkey kicks & fire hydrants
4 x 12 each leg curtsy lunges with 15 lb weights in each hand
4 x 15 cable deadlifts
4 x 10 glute kickbacks on the cable

After leg days I thoroughly enjoy to get on the stair climber for about 10-15 minutes even though my legs feel like they're going to give out. :)

Since shoulders and legs are my favorite workouts, these are the only ones I ever really spend time creating before I go to the gym.

stay motivated 

-Hayley

Nobody Can Compare to YOU

"Comparison Will Kill You." 

I am guilty of scrolling through Pinterest and Instagram and envying all of the girls with washboard abs and picture perfect legs. I used to let these images control my mind, and lower my self confidence. In no way am I saying that these girls did not work hard to have the bodies that they have. However, they have their own journey that cannot be compared to mine. Each of our bodies is a work of art. We all have spent hours and hours at the gym on our work of art.

Have you ever been to a painting class with your family and friends? Have you ever noticed that every painting differs from each other even though you're all essentially painting the same thing? I like to compare this to our bodies. YES, we all want a perfect body. No stretch marks. Perfect definition. No fat rolls when we sit down. We all want our painting to be perfect, more perfect than the person's sitting next to us. We strive to be better and to compete with others, when we don't have to. We should be solely focused on our painting, and working toward the finished product without the comparison to someone else. Likewise, we should be focused on our progress rather than the girl beside at the gym.

As I go to the gym each day, I observe others around me. We are all on different chapters of our fitness journeys. I may be on chapter 10, while the girl beside me may be on chapter 1. I feel like we need to keep in this in mind when we think about comparing ourselves to others. Transformation takes time, and trust me I can relate when people talk to me about being discouraged. It takes sooooo much time. It took me FOUR years of making very small adjustments at a time to become healthier. It is discouraging, but the best way to continue on is to simply keep going.

Stop competing with others and start competing with yourself.

-Hayley

Finding Motivation

It is seriously so hard to find motivation on days like today. It's cold, I'm getting sick, and just spent the entire day busy. The last thing I wanted to do today was to work out. I forced myself to go and lift after a long day, knowing that I would feel horrible about myself if I didn't. Finding motivation on these kinds of days is extremely hard. However, the satisfaction after working out on these kinds of days is extremely rewarding.

These types of days are only going to multiply as it gets colder and harder to leave your bed in the dead of the winter. I urge you to keep pushing through, and find your way to the gym no matter how hard it seems. The way I motivate myself to go is telling myself that I can't go home and shower and get in my bed until after I workout. Another good motivator is knowing that if you don't go workout now, then you're going to be stuck doing your homework now rather than later. 

Getting to the gym on the days where you lack motivation the most are the best days for progress. These are the days where you thank yourself the most. Whenever I walk out of the gym after dreaded workouts I feel so accomplished. If I didn't workout today when I have time, but lacking motivation I wouldn't have a rest day to spare later in the week when I'm busy. College is all about time management, and I feel like finding motivation to do anything at this point of the semester is painful. 

We will keep pushing through, we will continue getting better as the days go on, and we will love ourselves for the decisions we made today. 

Keep pushing yourself even on your toughest days. 

-Hayley